


Banzai

by askboo



Series: Todd Versus The Universe [1]
Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Todd vs The Universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-29
Updated: 2018-01-29
Packaged: 2019-03-10 21:22:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13510041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/askboo/pseuds/askboo
Summary: Of course, planning a surprise party for your magically intuitive detective boyfriend presented certain logistical challenges.





	Banzai

Todd had figured out some time ago that his role in this whole unbelievable mess was to keep Dirk Gently alive.

Dirk was a complicated and fine balance of physical and emotional needs. Some of Todd’s job involved pulling Dirk out of the range of explosions or literally taking bullets on his behalf, but a lot of it also involved making tea (steeped to perfection with a timer), talking him through meltdowns, kissing him until goosebumps rose all over him, and generally forcing him to take time for himself.

This was an area where the universe wanted to have its cake and eat it too, and as a result it was in a constant struggle with Todd. It had created Todd with the purpose of keeping Dirk alive, and it had created Dirk with the purpose of following his intuition, and sometimes the first negated the second, which locked Todd and the universe into a battle of wills. But Todd was aware the universe had bestowed him this task because it wasn’t able to do it itself, which gave Todd certain bargaining leverage.

He wasn’t fond of the term “assistant”, but Dirk had bucked at the title “holistic babysitter” (thank you, Farah), and although Todd was quite fond of the concept of “holistic bodyguard”, Dirk thought it made Todd a little too big for his britches, and so they were at an impasse.

The name had been far from the hardest part, in the beginning. It was two years in to the detective agency that they’d figured out Todd’s sense for when Dirk was in trouble was not unlike Dirk’s sense for when he needed to be somewhere. Todd figured he’d been in love with Dirk for about a year at this point, and there wasn’t anything much more difficult than realizing you were in love, and then wondering if that love was being forced on you by some higher power. Of course Todd would be more willing to put himself on the line for a man he was in love with, and Dirk was far more likely to listen to Todd if he was in love with him too. It was in the universe’s best interest to make them feel that way about each other.

As soon as that thought occurred to them, it was difficult to look each other in the eye, to touch one another. It was cold and sobering, and disappointing, when they’d been so close to tipping over that line into more than friendship, any day now, and every look and touch that had been laced with heat was now cold. Dirk had enough of his life controlled by the universe, thank you. Todd, who had enough trouble with commitment already, had packed a bag and taken the puddle jump over to Victoria. 

The weekend away, the distance, was supposed to be eye-opening. And it was, just not in the way Todd had expected. He didn’t sight-see. Instead, he laid in his bed in the Airbnb and missed Dirk like a physical ache. He was there when Todd closed his eyes, his voice was in Todd’s ears. Todd hugged a pillow to his stomach and tried to sort it all out. It was different than the racing of his heart, the small headache behind his left eye, whenever Todd knew he needed to find Dirk and rescue him. That annoying feeling had been there since the very beginning, and Todd was reminded sharply that it had been there back when he’d hated Dirk with every fibre of his being. Protecting him had still come to him naturally, against his will - but this, this love, this longing, it was different. 

Todd had grabbed his phone and tried to call Dirk immediately, only Dirk’s chirpy ringtone came from outside the apartment door. Todd jumped up, pulled the door open, and before he even saw Dirk standing there with tears in his own eyes, Todd’s throat closed up.

“I love you,” Dirk had said, his voice wobbly. “I don’t care--”

“I love you _too_ ,” Todd had said hoarsely, and pulled Dirk in by the tie, pushed him back against the door once it was closed. “I want this--”

And Dirk had finally, finally kissed him, sealing the deal between themselves, and if the universe was part of it, Todd found he didn’t care - who had a say in love anyway? If giving up Dirk to make a point meant never hearing the soft noises Dirk made when he was kissed, the feeling of his leather jacket peeling down his arms in Todd’s hands, the way he shivered when he was pressed into the bed - well, it just wasn’t going to happen. He made Dirk come five times and then he took him for black currant scones with jam and cream at Murchie’s and out for a walk at Butchart Gardens, and while Dirk was loudly admiring a particularly bright red flower with a voice still hoarse from moaning, Todd had flipped a finger at the fabric of reality. 

Anyway, it turned out the joke was on the universe anyway, if this had been it’s intention, because of course Todd was more motivated than ever to keep Dirk safe, and sometimes that involved telling the universe to shove certain cases up its ass.

Now, Todd was in some sense the most powerful man in the world, more powerful than the _universe_ , because he could keep Dirk from answering its siren call. If the universe told Dirk to stand and leave the apartment, Todd could keep him there with something so simple as a finger underneath Dirk’s chin, drawing him in for a kiss. Still, Todd tried not to do it too often - the consequences were sometimes severe. 

However, today, Todd wasn’t budging. This was the first year in the history of any of them knowing Dirk Gently that they had figured out his birthday, and Dirk was staying put because they were having a party. If the universe needed Dirk across the city, or in Arizona, or Bangladesh, for frabricky-reality reasons, it was just going to have to wait.

Of course, planning a surprise party for your magically intuitive detective boyfriend presented certain logistical challenges.

First of all, the universe wasn’t happy with the stand Todd was taking. It tried no less than eight times in the week before the party to send Dirk out on some wild multi-state chase. Todd had to get really creative, spend almost all of his time naked, and even at one time burst into really fake sobs just to keep Dirk put.  
Then once the universe realized it wasn’t going to get its way, it did its best to spoil the surprise. The universe. Sulking. It burned down the restaurant they had originally planned to have the party in. It pulled Dirk down a street where Hobbs and Tina were eating breakfast in the window of their hotel lobby - Todd had to fling himself into oncoming traffic just so that Dirk wouldn’t see them. Then, on the very last day, it sent them menu flyers from the new restaurant in the mail, and of course Dirk was obsessed with the clue, reading both sides over and over and trying to convince Todd to go with him there for an early dinner, while their friends were still setting up.

Todd used up the last remaining hour by kissing Dirk right at that spot under his ear that he liked so much, the one that made Dirk’s thoughts go scattered, made him go “Todd--” as he tried to continue speaking about the case, and then “Todd…” as he finally gave in. 

Dirk was understandably annoyed when Todd decided after an hour of making out and heavy petting that they should go to the restaurant for dinner after all, and Dirk showed up at his birthday party with a super dark hickey and messy hair.

The absolute pure joy on Dirk’s face when all their friends stood up from the table with full glasses of champagne and toasted him when he entered made every battle Todd had ever had with the universe more than worth it. He smiled when Dirk turned to him with wet eyes, used his thumb and forefinger to tilt Dirk’s head down so he could kiss his forehead. “Happy Birthday,” he murmured.

“You _were_ behaving odd,” Dirk murmured into Todd’s hair. “I’m rather relieved it was for a good reason.”

“Hollistic party planner,” Todd teased, and the whole restaurant cheered when Dirk bent Todd over his arm and kissed him.


End file.
